Preliminary study for an upcoming collection “Trying to make sense of life without you.” 
When I make these drawings, I have fun. That’s rare. There’s the saying “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I disagree; there’s a certain sacrifice that comes with turning the thing that brings you joy into your livelihood. It is work, and after doing this for 6 years I think I stopped letting myself have fun. I used to, and I’d like to again. I’m figuring out how to, just have fun in general. These drawings are my attempt to do so. To make sense of everything that doesn’t; to accept nothing does; Nothing has to. But I’m trying to find the beauty in that, in that cycle of chaos, and peace, destruction and growth, death and birth, once again.
Sometimes I’ll sit with one of these for several hours, or over the course of several days/weeks. Other times, I finish them in one sitting. Some are studies as I continue developing this language for the collection I hope to make. Others are sketches I truly just did for me, because I needed to draw today. Some of them I wanted to finish, but I can’t for the life of me remember what pencils i used, so I allow that to be their ending. Others, no longer resonate, the feelings I made them with are no longer present, so again, I accept that they’ve served their purpose. Rarely if ever do I feel like one of these is finished. These continue to grow and change in my my mind. Every time I look to them, I see something new, something to learn from, something I could have done. It’s one of my favorite parts of this abstraction.
A younger Evan, hated abstract works, but with all this changed I needed to visually see that rupture in my practice. After everything me and my loved ones went through this year, this is all that makes sense to me, when nothing does, neither does this, and that makes sense. 
I am changed in ways I didn’t want to be, and I needed to see that change in my hands, my pen, my work. I do see it, do you? 
Dimensions: 5x7in.
Color Pencil on Stonehenge paper A younger Evan, hated abstract works.